The September 11th Of My Life

Hearing my father cry on the phone broke my heart. I spent the next few months holding on to hope that his ailing body would recover. I tried to reserve a spot in my heart where we could get beyond what we had gone through. Forgiveness would be hard but was it worth the shot? I guess I will never know. 

I eventually received a phone call that my father was in critical condition in ICU up in San Francisco. I quickly booked a flight to go up and see him. Time seemed to stop as I walked in the hospital. I knew things were grave as my aunts came to embrace me. Doctors immediately began asking me of all people what I wanted to do. I hadn't even had time to collect my thoughts and I was suppose to decide whether or not to pull the plug. That was the exact moment I knew I would never talk to my father ever again. Pain so familiar as a kid set in. I began to cry uncontrollably. Tears streamed down my face. I was a boy left without his father without any explanations whatsoever. In knowing I would never be able to ask the millions of questions I had for my father, was so hard.

I spent the anniversary of 9-11 at the hospital in and out of crying induced comas. Even though my father was on life support we all knew it was the end. Family slowly began showing up to say their goodbyes. My father's pastor and some brothers from the church showed up at 2:00am on September 12th to watch his soul depart. They prayed over him and there he went. Why hadn't he died before when we were all there? I didn't realize then that God had a plan for my father all along. His departure couldn't have been anymore perfect. As my father ascended into Heaven, I was safely away in my hotel room. As I figured out what the next chapter of my life would bring now that my father had died, I felt confused. How could I write the next chapter of my life when so many unanswered questions remained?

I wouldn't see my sister Desiree, who was only 11 at the time of the funeral, until her wedding 8 years later. A trip that would change my life and eventually take me on a journey I never thought I would take.